I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
