I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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