a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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