You smell like a Billy Joel song
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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