i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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