so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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