But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
