Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize