I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
