he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
my liver is dry heaving
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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