so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
