I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
