Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
