remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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