can u get pink eye on your cock?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
