This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize