How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
