I have demons in me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
