mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
