wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
