I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize