It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
