Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
