we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
