no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
