I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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