are you still at the devil's house?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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