maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
