I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I understand Curling. That high.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
