He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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