Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
