Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
