I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
sex in a hospital.. check
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
