Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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