Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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