How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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