Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
only you would photoshop your dick
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
