My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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