True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
