I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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