I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
