Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
