I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize