Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
