It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
