Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
