After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
