Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
