Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
