Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize