its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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