in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Girls should come with a carfax report
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
