My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
