new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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