So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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