i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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