I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
