well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
