We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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