Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
