How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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