break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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