i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
