Redeem this text for a blowjob
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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