I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
